Past it......

I must be starting to sound like a right grump, I just don't have any happy energy at the moment. Everything's a hassle, there's no fun in anything anymore.
I haven't even been out for a pint since last Friday, that's unheard of for me, normally even acts of god don't keep me from the pub.

I decided about a month ago to live life to the full. Fcuk responsibility, fcuk stress, fcuk hassle, fcuk work, you only get one go at this so make it a good go. But, I just don't seem to be able to do that. When things are going bad at work, I spend 24 hours a day seven days a week thinking about it. When I have an arguement with a friend, I worry about it until I can see them again and make things right. I blame myself and take resposibility for everything. I'm always uptight, I can never seem to relax.

I suppose that's why I am so jealous of people who don't give a fcuk, and why those type of folks annoy the life out of me. The young Harry was never like this mind you. The young Harry was up for a party everynight, the young Harry who lived in Perranporth, Cornwall then Scarborough, North Yorks between 92 and 99 was the life and soul of the party. We actually did party at least 6 nights a week for 7 years, the job demanded that you let off steam.

I can't believe that the 1992 Harry has evolved into the 2006 Harry who sits here today. The 1992 Harry lived in a caravan a couple of miles outside of Perranporth, had long hair, smoked 'herbal' cigerattes, had a nice deep tan, was a keen surfer and, when I look at photo's, he didn't have a care in the world. He would think nothing of walking the 2 ish miles along the beach into town, what would I have done with a car in those days? If we needed to get to Newquay (7 miles) or Truro (5 miles) and there was no one around with a car, we would just hitch.....
Each and every night, someone would have a party, each morning Harry would have a hangover, but so what, you just had a fry-up, took some paracetamol and looked forward to getting drunk again later that day.

And here sits the 2006 Harry. Always worrying if there will be any money left in the bank at the end of the month. Always worrying about work and what his boss thinks about him. Always worrying about cancer (2006 Harry stopped smoking 7 months ago). Always worrying about weight. Always worrying about....worrying.

I look old now. I always remember being able to drink in pubs wthout hassle at 14, people said I looked 18/19 ish. At 20 - 25, people always guessed that I was 18/19 ish, even in my late twenties I would be mistaken for being in my very early twenties. Now Harry is 33, and he very much looks 33 at the very least. The worry lines across the forehead have appeared despite daily use of E45 moisturising cream over the last 15 years.

Oh well, onwards and upwards......

On the car cd: Scritti Politti - Anomie and Bonhomie

On this day: Paris Hilton, American actress and heiress, is born (1982).

Talk Hard!
H.